Good Morning Class

I feel like I’m in some sick version of ‘Groundhog Day’. When I look over the reflections for my lessons I see the same things over and over again – talked too long, poor discipline, didn’t manage class. The problem is, I think of ways around these, I try out new ideas (like Chocolate points, 1 minute detentions, constant praise, isolation, etc) but at the end of the period I write the same thing (mainly about the one class) in my diary. I’m obviously varying the surface but not what is underneath. Then I think I’ve made a huge breakthrough. This perfection lasts maybe a week, maybe only a couple of periods, then it’s gone again.

Anyone who reads Terry Pratchett will know that the magical machine, Hex, tries an infinite number of impossible ways to do something so that it can achieve its goal before the universe notices that what it’s doing is impossible. I feel like that, trying something just long enough for it to work, then when the class realises it doesn’t I have to find another method quick. Unfortunately I am not magical and don’t have an infinite number of solutions up my sleeve. So I soldier on, regardless, and wonder, yet again, what on earth I’m doing here.

Bye bye holidays!

Once upon a time I had 28 days holiday a year. I only took them to do shows or courses and one week for an actual holiday – maybe. But I always went back feeling refreshed.

Now I have more holidays than I know what to do with but I came back from a week off feeling shattered and a little depressed.

Part of it was all the preparation I was doing. I feel like I only had 2 days off and those were in the middle of last week. And part of it was my increasing paranoia that the longer I was away the more I would forget and the worse I would do when I got back.

It’s very easy to get paranoid just now. Several NQTs I’ve spoken to – across various schools and authorities – are feeling like they might have to pack it in and go work in a call centre. Its less money but its definitely less stress. Speaking to everyone I think I know why we’re feeling like this. The first term, the honeymoon period, is over. Bad habits and flaws are now being exposed and we’re trying to eradicate them. The interim report is looming and it’s a whole round of observations from the high and mighty in our departments and the whole school. Who wouldn’t feel stressed?

However, I have decided to have a new approach to my work. Each lesson is a new opportunity to perfect the things I messed up on last time – little by little. Each day is a new chance to get things right for myself and for the pupils. And I feel much better than I did this morning because I was reminded, just by the atmosphere when walking into the school, that I am not alone. I am supported by my colleagues, my bosses and my family. I might not be able to get through this year – by WE can!

I have been off with the flu for almost a week.

Not only does this mean I have missed more opportunities to improve my teaching practice (which badly needs it) but I have been unable to get out of bed and have basically spent a week alternately feeling sorry for myself and going bleurgh all over the place (not literally.)

Unfortunately it couldn't have come at a worse time. My first observed lessons were rubbish, my mentor is concerned that I'm crap (not her actual words!) and I feel like I'm crap too.

I have assessed my planning skills and rejigged them. I have gone over the subject content to refresh myself on it. I have thrown almost two months work out the window to start again. But here I am, back at work and feeling no better prepared than I was before I got sick. I've had nothing to do but reflect but it doesn't seem to be working.

I do know what part of the problem is. I understand it all in my head. I get the theories, the AifL, the ACfE, enterprise, classroom management, behaviour management. I get it ALL! But it doesn't seem to want to leave my head and translate into actual practice. I try observing and mimicing what I see and that falls flat. I try to do it my way but that falls thorugh too - mainly because I appear to have lost my way in all the training. I used to be so good at this. All my kids in community work understood definitions, knew how to carry things out practically and could write, do all sorts of practical and the rest.

Thankfully, I'm focusing on getting through this week. Next week is October holidays and its head down and sort it out time. Hopefully.

Otherwise I think I might be sunk.

... a whole three weeks til the next holiday - how will I survive?

I made it through the long weekend with surprisingly little boredom and felt a lot more refreshed today than I usually do on a Monday. However, the real benefit isn't mine. To all those who resent the holidays teachers get (which we still have mountains of work to do during - I have to point out), I would ask them to remember it isn't for the benefit of the staff. coming up to a holiday, even a long weekend, the pupils are tired, lethargic, unmotivated and more prone to temperamental outbursts. After an extra two days off they return refreshed and ready to get back to it. Their moods and their productivity is highly improved.

Another complaint is often childcare. At the risk of sounding critical - school holidays have NOT increased. The 8 - 10 week summer holiday has been spread throughout the year for two reasons, resulting in 5 - 6 weeks at summer. The first is that pupils work better if they have periodic rests - which generally coincide with public holidays which many adults get or are recompensed for. Secondly, parents demanded the shift when women increasingly moved away from the home and into the workplace - stating it was easier to find childcare for a day here and there than something for 8 weeks solid.

Anyway, rant over. I am refreshed and so are my classes. I did a lot of work and a lot of thinking over the weekend and am using these to try to improve my teaching and my learning. So nyah nyah to those working.

I still don’t know how I’ll manage to have so many holidays when I’ve been used to the bare minimum and no more. And it doesn’t matter that I still have planning and things to do because I only ever took holidays to do a show anyway. But I suspect that just dealing with them as they come along will help. I am really looking forward to not having my alarm wake me up in the morning. I’m going to tidy up, then go to the gym and I’ll even have time to lounge in the spa before heading home – not like my usual in again out again weeknight sessions.

Feeling both more calm and more apprehensive this week – for all its shorter. Firstly, I tried a new approach to classroom management. Firstly I’ve stopped responding when pupils ask irrelevant questions or carry on talking. I just stop everything until their all silent. I used to use this all the time in Community work but have always felt to constrained by time and by the feeling of having to ‘get through’ things no matter what in the classroom. But apparently that isn’t as true as I’ve convinced myself and was told to take more time if it was necessary to get a better atmosphere and more productive work. I feel much better.

On the other hand, everyone is now starting to talk about observations. Somehow I find the whole concept scarier than crits. Possibly because I at least felt that I could make mistakes as a student but still feel as if I shouldn’t as an NQT. Although that is ridiculous and I know people expect me to have problems and offer support when I do.

Maybe I’m not alone and every other NQT feels like this. Or maybe I’m just crazy!

Still, I have a weekend of the gym and spending time with my lovely man and cuddly animals to look forward to!

It is Monday! For many a day for groaning and depression but not for me.

I drag myself out of bed at 6 to get ready for a job I have only been doing for 3 weeks - so the glow hasn't had time to go off it for me. I enjoy my job. But that isn't too unusual. I loved being a care assistant for 8 years and had to be dying before I was off. Being a pupil support assistant was equally enjoyable. So hopefully I will have many years of being enthusiastic about getting up for work (although it's still hard when it's pitch black outside and it feels like the middle of the night.)

The only blight on my horizon is Mime. I'll be honest - I can do it, but I'm not great at it. I don't really value it as an art form in itself (sorry to all you mime artists out there) but as a means to an end. But for my S1s I have to be really enthusiastic and look like I know exactly what I'm talking about - a real test of my acting ability. Still, I'm halfway thorough it so next week I'll be on to something else.

On the other hand I'm also doing Shakespeare who I love! So not everything is hopeless.

And in a totally un-education-related incident, I lost 4 lbs over the past two week so that makes almost a stone since January.

No wonder its a happy Monday.

Be a Teacher!

Here I am, one month into my induction year as a newly qualified teacher.

I finished off my teacher training year confident that I was ready to do it for real.

However, as the summer holidays wound their weary way through my impatient life all that changed. I began to worry a bit.

Perhaps I wasn't prepared enough.

Maybe I would mess up and be laughed out of town.

What if I forgot everything I ever new about drama, teaching or just talking and feeding myself without dribbling?

By the end of the summer I was a nervous wreck.

Then I came to my probation school. The staff are lovely - supportive and understanding And the pupils are pretty nice too.

So I intend to chart my journey. For my own benefit and for that of any others who may pass by. Although in the interests of being employed in future some of my true feelings may be

And so the journey begins...